My New Life

I have so enjoyed the privilege of being able to view this video of Stephanie Nielson. She's from AZ. On 8.16.08, which is actually Braxley's birthday, she and her husband were in a plane crash. After three months of being in a coma, she survived. Her story can be read throughout her blog here. Our family had just moved to UT during the crash and recovery process for the Nielson family. I was dealing with my own set of struggles and as I would read "her" story, and then I would wonder what I had to worry about because it really paled in comparison to her story.

When Stephanie shares in her video that she received a "beautiful spiritual confirmation that this is My New Life - it is good. It is oh so good." And "it was time to bring me home," and "I view my role now as something more divine. Something more. Not just a mother who wakes up and makes her kids food. It's other riches that teaches the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It's a privilege and I see it more of a privilege. I'm grateful for this trial, and it's a blessing, even though it's hard, and it will be for awhile." And then Elder Jeffrey R. Holland shares, "When suffering, we may in fact be nearer to God than we’ve ever been in our entire lives. That knowledge can turn every such situation into a would-be temple. Regarding our earthly journey, the Lord has promised: I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up. [D&C 84:88]. That is an everlasting declaration of God’s love and care for us, including—and perhaps especially—in times of trouble."

All of this rang so true to me. I didn't suffer the trial of a plane crash, but I have suffered, and still am, the trial of a divorce with five children. And the lessons learned are quite the same as Stephanie's. This is My New Life too. I wake up everyday to the reality of this new life of mine. In the beginning it was like a nightmare and I couldn't believe it was really happening, but now, and even a couple of months after it all began, I didn't wake up feeling like that. With time it was better and I could say, "this is My New Life and It Is Good." I have always devoted my life to my family. You would rarely find me doing anything without my family. In that sense however, and through my own trials, I did lose myself, and I'm still trying to find her. I admire that Stephanie can say "I am not my body." I know the importance of knowing who you are and feeling good about that, and so months before my big trial I started working on myself - inside and out. As Mindy Gledhill sang on the video, "It's all about your heart." I knew that. That's what's most important. But I knew I had to get my physical health in order too. I actually lost 25 lbs. rather simply in 4 months time, but now as my trial has continued, and found no closure yet, I have gained back, at last check, 15 of those lbs. It's not a good feeling. I admire how Stephanie said, "I have a better sense of who I am." I desire to feel that same way, and I have a ways to go, but like Stephanie, I keep remembering the other lessons I have learned about Motherhood. I am so grateful that I am a Mom. Tomorrow is Mother's day and I've been planning on making it a day to celebrate my children, because without them I wouldn't have a Mother's day. I am so grateful that I get to be the one to be there for them. To do everything. I always have, but it truly means so much more now. Two days ago I actually cried due to the stress of the week with dealing with my trial, and the responsibility I had to get to three different places at the same time for all the kids activities - work, band concert and basketball practice. I have always made it work before, but that night was particularly hard, and I felt the challenge of it all, and how I couldn't be exactly everywhere, at the right time and place to be with my children. I cried. And I realized that I haven't cried a lot over this because I just have to keep going. But as the night came to a close I realized that everyone and everything was going to be okay. And even Brinkley said, "Mom this was the first time you couldn't do it all. That says a lot." Wow! She is so great. She is wise and always has good prespective. Thank you Brinkley.

The other thing that I appreciated from Stephanie video was Elder Holland's remarks. When he quoted the scipture, "...mine angels round about you, to bear you up." It reminded me of the two Priesthood blessings I received in UT when I was going through the early stages of this trial. A friend, and then later my Bishop, spoke the same words in the blessings I received - that "angels would be about me and my children." That has been so true. I have felt that all along. I know it's through the love my Heavenly Father has for me and my children, that we have been watched over and protected and the angels have been there. I have had the companionship of the Holy Ghost to lead and guide me. I have had so many promptings - thoughts and ideas and direction given to me. I have followed and I have been blessed.

I am Blessed to be here. I am Blessed to be a Mother. I will Celebrate my Children tomorrow on Mother's day. It's all about them and me being able to be their Mom. I will work harder at Bringing Me Home and cherishing this New Life of Mine. As Stephanie said, "It's good. Oh so good."