Running to Commitments and Catching Up

I haven't written in a very long time. I always have good intentions to update our family journal, but there just doesn't seem to be the time after work, and family, and trying to keep up with Brady's Missionary Blog, and all the other things that happen in life - Running to Commitments, I call it - School Concerts, Doctor's appointments, Errands, Church Commitments, Mutual, Scouts, Getting ready for a new school year - school clothes and supplies shopping, Sports, Friends, Work (Brinkley and I), Chores, Laundry, Getting the pantry and refrigerator all cleaned out and organized for the big Costco trip, putting it all away, and then feeling the guilt when I try to figure out how to actually make the food I purchased and nourish my children properly, and the list could go on and on, which also includes TEACHING these special children to be good and kind, the Commandments, and honoring Standards, and reading and praying together.

It's the same routine I've always had as a Mom, but it just seems so much heavier now. The kids are a tremendous help, but I still struggle with failure at not being the cook I use to be. at. all. And being able to be creative and just have the time to be and do more with my children. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel the guilt and wish I was younger with more energy.

It's been a busy several months. After school was out in May, we went to Newport Beach over Memorial Day weekend, since I would have that Monday off from work, I figured it was the only chance I could do something with the kids in the summer because I have to work, and they would be visiting their dad in Utah in July. 

June I spent working in the day and trying to also spend some family time doing fun things. The kids created a Summer Bucket List. We actually did everything on that list except Tempe Town Lake and frozen bananas. Organ Stop Pizza was replaced with Peter Piper Pizza. And Sun Splash was replaced with "The Oasis." 

Kasey, Kolby and Braxley in the Lazy River

 Brinkley and Braxley hanging out

There was a Mexican Food Buffet for Dinner, along with kid friendly food like chicken strips and macaroni and cheese. They had singing and dancing and also showed a movie pool side. This was a fun resort with two water slides, lazy river, pool, and water basketball. 

 Here's a couple photos of the room. A sitting area with a pull out couch for a double bed, and in the second room were the two queen size beds. It was a relaxing and fun stay.

 June went by in a flash. I also spent the whole month of June trying to work out a visitation schedule so I could visit the boys in July when they were visiting their dad. It was ridiculous everything I had to go through just to see my own children. I was very pleased with how I handled everything and have saved all the correspondence. I didn't want their to be any problems, which I can never control, so I decided that I probably wouldn't be able to visit them, which is not right. Then I was given a time to come see them. I still wasn't sure because I didn't trust it, but I didn't make any final decisions.  But as that time drew closer, and I told my boys that I probably wouldn't be able to come, due to a Real Estate and Business class that I was enrolled in that my boss wanted me to take, I heard from my boys how upset they were and they were all crying. Wow...They really needed me. It was a huge lesson for me, that no matter what someone else does, I need to stay firm in the truth that I am a Mother of children who need me and want me. So I told the boys that I would make the trip, and I was only able to spend 24 hrs with them. I would do that for them. I would do the right thing. And the whole time I prayed that all would be well.  Brinkley and I made the quick trip, and the time with the boys was great just being together and hanging out at our close friends house, the Alston's. Bishop Alston and Pam and their kids are the best people and they always open their home up to us. Their son Travis and Brady are best friends and serving Missions at the same time. :) 

The boys really wanted to eat at Brick Oven for dinner, and then we went to the Alston's and just hung out - jumped on the trampoline, played video games, Braxley composed a song on the piano, and that night we went to the church so all the boys could play basketball. They are all very good basketball players. It was so fun!

 We went to church at our old Daybreak Ward and it was wonderful to see all of our friends. We all love and miss that ward so much. And this Oquirrh Mountain Temple means so much to us.

 We had Sunday dinner afterwards and then it was goodbye, and that is never a normal feeling. Ever.  What happened when we picked the boys up and when we were to return the kids, was horrible. And I couldn't believe I was leaving my children in the situation they were in. Brinkley and I cried almost to Beaver, and the reasons why I didn't want to come to UT, happened. I didn't know what would happen, but I just didn't want there to be any problems. It just shouldn't be that way. Ever. But again, I was so pleased with me and I knew that I was okay and did what was right. I will always do that and the boys know that,  and as long as my children and I are okay, then everything's right in the world. Heavenly Father is with me and helps me in this situation that has become my new normal. Everytime.

I usually don't make a practice of writing down these types of things, but I have learned that it's okay because this is life. This is our truth, and it comes with happiness and sadness, melt my heart moments, and betrayal. I spent the previous years writing all the good and fun stuff and not much, if any, about the growing pains. I have so much that should be documented for my posterity. I'm not sure when or how I will find the time to do so, but I thought about all that "dancing in the rain" stuff that I've written about before, and realized that it's really more about "weathering the storm," and recognizing the tender mercies and the Holy Ghost helping to lead me, and the tremendous growth that comes from my life.

The next two weeks, actually the whole month of July went by very slowly. The slowest ever. Brinkley was sad. I was sad. And yes, the bunnies were sad. The boys had a great time doing all sorts of things while visiting their dad. They even went to Jacksonhole Wyoming for about an hour they said. They had plenty of other things to do on that trip to Idaho. All was well again when they came HOME. It was so hard while they were away and it's something I will never get use to. It's hurtful. July brought lessons of being confident in what I know is right for me and my kids, and it brought pain and hurt, even from a friend that I loved, and I could hardly breathe.

This was the sidewalk chalk love notes that the boys left me before they went to Utah. They did the same thing last year. I love it. I love them.