Keeping it Real - Motherhood

After reading the conference talk, "Daughters of God" by M. Russell Ballard, it really put a smile on my face. It's nice to have the conference talks to read again. Here are some of my favorite parts of the talk and my thoughts:

"There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family"

That's easy to forget isn't it? I have learned that I might need to use different parenting skills depending on the needs and personalites of each child.

"Mother's love their children deeply and in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else."

This was so good for me to hear again because as I do love my children deeply, and I always feel like I proritize them above all else, and help my husband, sometimes when I'm frustrated I wonder why - ha!, but this is a good reminder and lesson for me to know that it is because of the devotion I have for God...and that is true.

"I am impressed by countless mothers who have learned how important it is to focus on the things that can only be done in a particular season of life."

I have learned to take more time, and stop, and enjoy the little things like snuggling with Braxley, we've always done this, but I'm realizing as he's getting older that he's not going to let me do this forever...is he?

"There are moments of great joy and incredible fulfillment,"...

This is so true. I wish I could remember all the talks and fun times we've had together. I enjoy listening as the kids play together, and they don't know that I'm listening, because they say the cutest things. This mostly happens with Kolby and Braxley since they are the youngest now, but it's happened with all the kids. Each day I learn something new and am so grateful to be their Mom.

"...but there are also moments of a sense of inadequecy, monotony and frustration. Mothers may feel they receive little or no appreciation for the choices they have made. Sometimes even husbands seem to have no idea of the demands upon their wives."

This occurs quite often with five children and a husband and it's vaired with each stage of our children's lives. I think in the beginning when the children were just born and growning, and maybe now as I have teenagers, I have felt the inadequecy, because I have never done this before. After having a baby, and each one after that, I learned much and didn't feel so inadequate with each new arrival to our family. And now having teenagers for the first time, I am learning much again. I'm probably now feeling the monotony of daily life because I have been working for over a year now and I really feel like that's all that I do now. There doesn't seem to be time for much else after work, and doing the normal kids stuff, etc. I don't feel like I am creative as I use to be and as organized. I think so much of what I want to do and change and improve upon, but I find that I'm so tired. I really want to be a size "active." I have learned after watching Brad do a lot of the taxi driving over the last couple of months, picking up and taking the kids to their various places, that I have always done that, and it's tiresome even though you are just sitting in the car. There is so much that I have done over the years and when Elder Ballard said that "even husbands have no idea of the demands upon their wives," that it's so true, because when I have been made to feel like I've never done anything, then I think, then who did it? Who took care of the kids when they were small and all that entailed? Who cleaned the house when they were too small to do so? Who managed the bills and all the paperwork and schedules and appointments? Who ran all the errands? Who fulfilled their church callings? And the list can go on and on. Just because the children are older now and they can do many things on their own now, doesn't mean I never did anything before and as a Mom, I still do a lot and I need to remember that.

"Author Anna Quindlen reminds us to not rush past the fleeting moments. She said, "The biggest mistake I made (as a parent) is the one that most of us make...I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs....I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less." (Loud and Clear, 2004, 10-11).

Again, this is so true. I'm sure when the kids were smaller I was also in a hurry to do the dinner, bath, book, bed, just to have some "alone" time. But I have seriously learned and understood to not be in such a hurry to the next thing and to hurry to the kids to their next steps in life, because I know that they will eventually come, as they have, and now I want to go back to when they were smaller. Those are precious times, as these are now, and as I've said before, I wish I could remember those time with each of the kids. I can still hear Braxley's small cute voice, but I can't remember Brady's at that time. We forget so much and i haven't even captured them in video like I wish I could have. We have many photographs and some video, but not nearly enough to help bring back the memories. I adore my kids and each of their individual personalities and am proud of the people they are...but can't they just stay small and mine for a little longer?

"Find time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replensishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children."

This is something I need to be better at. I need to not feel guilty for doing things for me. I have spent so much doing for others that I have seriously forgotten who I am and even what things I enjoy. I am 40 years old now and I figure it's about time to replenish myself and cultivate my gifts and interests.

"...Pray, study..."

"I need to be much better at this. My patriarchal blessing even tells me so. I need to fill like I am important to my Father in Heaven and that I'm worthy and His daughter and talk to Him more. I have enjoyed learning more about Joseph Smith and the early days of the church. It's fascinating to me and I enjoy learning.

"...Give your wife a "day away" now and then. Take over the the household and give your wife a break from her daily responsibilities. Taking over for awhile will greatly enhance your appreciation of what your wife does."

That would have been nice when the kids were smaller. And it would be nice if that was to happen now and for Brad to not just take the day to read and do nothing himself. I think the lesson is to appreciate what your wife does, as Elder Ballard stated.

I love and appreicate this talk and will refer to it again and again to remind me of who I am and what's most important.